Thursday, April 10, 2008

One week later...

Hey everyone. It's been a whole week now... I just wanted to thank you all so much for the support you have shown me and my family. It means so much to know so many people are praying for us, and especially Steve & Valon's family.
Its still so hard to think about. Just when you think you are doing ok, it hits you again. I didn't get to sleep too well last night. A friend of mine at school said, "Time doesn't heal, it just helps us accept." This is so true I think. It will always hurt. I find myself feeling bad when I worry about my own problems. But then I realize that's how we move on. We keep our own lives going. Still, I can't help but thinking of Steve & Valon's family, because I know it is much, much harder for them. This IS their life.
I have thought of a few things I can do to at least show my support through my "talents." So, keep your eyes posted here for some creative tributes to my dear cousin. In the meantime, my Dad wrote this beautiful poem that I would like to share. He also put some home videos we had of Brantly as a young buck online, so I think I'll share those too.
First here's the vid... (the two lil gals fishing at the end are my kid sisters.) Two bad my cute mug ain't in these shots ; )
Here's the poem:

How can I face it, how can I survive
The torment I feel as I constantly strive
To make myself better for I am so weak
I’m not sure I’ll make it, this life is so bleak.

Although, I’m a good boy, I feel so much shame,
I fear I’m not worthy and can’t honor my name.
Though I can’t find a reason, for feeling this way,
For I’ve made no bad choices to lead me astray.

I’m scared just to open my eyes in the morning,
It seems every sound rings an ominous warning,
“Today will bring failure and panic and dread”
So I hide myself deep in my fortress, my bed.

The darkness engulfs me and holds me so tight,
I can barely hear laughter, and see so little light.
I’m sure I’m a burden to those who are dear,
It’d probably be better if I weren’t here.

It seems they are crying. Oh, what have I done?
I couldn’t imagine so much sorrow would come.
So clearly, I see now, what was hidden before
That they wanted to keep me on that side of the door.

And now that I listen with crystal clear ears,
I hear how they loved me and talk of my years.
How they speak of the good and the love in my life,
Their words sink to my core like the blade of a knife.

Oh, I wish I could go back and comfort their fears,
To tell them I love them and stop up their tears.
But now I must wait and I’ll hope and I’ll pray
That I’ll see them again on some bright future day.

Till I see you again, please, take heed my dear friends
That the darkest encounters always come to an end.
Face each day with great courage and never lose sight
That the people who love you, will help you to fight.

The dark fog of depression, my perspective destroyed,
But now I can see God’s plan fully deployed.
It gives us a chance to get up when we fall,
And it’s there for each person, it’s there for us all.
“I love you from here to Japan”, I would say,
And you’ll hear that faint whisper when you remember each day,
Laughter, love and a life full of kindness and splendor,
Please think of these things when you try to remember.
-Michael Kirkham April 2008

Sorry this blog is so gloomy lately. It may be slightly low key for a bit. I hope you understand. This really hit me hard, and I still feel like I need some time to respect the situation. But I promise to throw in more of my usual lists and ramblings of all things entertaining very soon! Any suggestions?


LifeOnaPlate said...

How about some type of humorous list?

Brendo2008 said...

Chris, it has been now one whole month sense my mom passed away!

My still taking it a bit hard. Ok, this is more about you not me.

How about a best high school memories list or a bad food list, foods that you don't like or like.

How about best fights or battle in a movie..ok thats it for me!

crystal said...

Was that Jenni saying "MEGAN DON'T!" Hahah, she must have grown out of her 'little boy' phase by this point...

Yeah, I hear ya. It's always hard. It's been 12 years and I still get choked up when we talk about my grandpa. When it's a tragic ending it's always hard to heal. But, like you said, time helps us to accept.

Sky & Steph said...

You guys have been in my thoughts a lot lately!! Hang in there, you're family's so awesome!! Whaddya say to some Jazz playoff parties eh?