Saturday, January 28, 2017

Favorite Albums of 2016

So it took me awhile, but I have finally written up my favorite albums of The Worst Year. I don't have a lot to say introduction wise, I kind of did that on my song's list (found HERE.) But, needless to say, this was a very rough year, and I'm thankful for all the musics, both sad and sadder (some were happy).

First off, some miscellaneousness...


1. Radiohead - Los Angeles, Shrine Auditorium
2. Sigur Ros - Salt Lake City, Kingsbury Hall
3. Deftones - Salt Lake City, The Great Saltair
4. Tool - Salt Lake City, Maverick Center
5. Smashing Pumpkins - Salt Lake City, Kingsbury Hall
6. Nothing - Salt Lake City, Kilby Court
7. Peter Bjorn and John - Ogden, Ogden Amphitheater
8. Washed Out - Ogden, Ogden Amphitheater

Kubo and the Two Strings \\ Dario Marianelli

Runner Up
Arrival \\ Johann Johannson

Sing Street

Runner Up
La La Land

Cheetah EP \\ Aphex Twin

Runner Up
Future Present Past \\ The Strokes

Magik*Magik \\ Magik*Magik

Melodic and sad. Kind of a shoe-in theme for this year
Freetown Sound \\ Blood Orange

Preachy records can be a hard sell. But this one feels more sincere than many of the higher profile records with similar themes. And the grooves are more memorable.

Tidals \\ Spotlight

They opened for Deftones, and I said "Alright, sir." One of the better opening acts I've seen for awhile.

Is the Is Are \\ DIIV

Melancholy dream pop. I think it's the bass player that gets me.

Who Really Cares \\ TV Girl

Addictive dance songs about sex that aren't subtle about the dancing or the sex. And they kinda sound like The Go! Team. I know, right?

If You See Me, Say Yes \\ Flock of Dimes

Wye Oak singer has a side project? Alright, ma'am.

Der Klang der Offenbarung des Gottlichen \\ Kjarten Sveinsson

Former Sigur Ros multi-instrumentalist has an opera album? Alright, sir.

Blackstar \\ David Bowie

I wanted to like this one more than I did, because it's objectively one of the most powerfully brave musical statements of all time.

We got it from Here...Thank You 4 Your service \\ A Tribe Called Quest

The greatest rap group of all time returns with Phife's swan song. The best album (of the many) to tackle the racial tension in our country this last year.
Sirens \\ Nicolas Jaar

Simultaneously some of the best ambient and best dance music of the year. And mini-Jaar speaking Espanish is a bonus treat that adds a surprising level of intimacy.

Puberty 2 \\ Mitski

Mitski's more subdued and personal approach to the unease of being a minority in America may not be as powerful or as urgent as others this year, but it might be more relateable. And certainly more enjoyable.

99.9% \\ Kaytranada

The hip-hop version of Disclosure? Alright, sir.

Painting With \\ Animal Collective

Not as impressive as albums past, but these guys still churn out audio gold better than almost anyone working today. Headphones were invented for albums like this.

Hum \\ Eerie Wanda

A surprise dream pop debut with and old school 60's flair. Beautifully calm and hypnotizing.

With Love, from Laniakea \\ Mesita

A deliciously depressing one-man show of rock-tronica that somehow sounds like the good parts of the late 90's. This guy is an unknown now, but I anxiously await his career from here.

Running Out of Love \\ The Radio Dept.

The Swedes are finally back! This album finds them looking up from their shoes for a bit of political synth-pop. And wouldn't ya know? It works. Still dreamtastic as always.

The Bride \\ Bat For Lashes

Natasha Khan's concept album about a bride who loses her groom to a car crash on their wedding day manages to find a surprising amount of honest emotion packed within its melodramatic fiction. I think it rained every time I listened to it. Felt like it anyway.

Nothing's Real \\ Shura

After slowly sharing half of the album's tunes over the last few years (two of which made my lists in '14 and '15), Shura finally graced us with a full length debut pop bliss. And it didn't disappoint. Admittedly, the impact was muffled slightly having already heard much of its best moments. But the album was definitely worth the wait. Rookie of the year!

False Readings On \\ Eluvium

Matthew Cooper is the Grandmaster of Ambience. The Sultan of Soothe. And this lush collection of godly sighs couldn't have come at a better time. My soul needed this in 2016. So did yours, trust me.

Hardwired...To Self-Destruct \\ Metallica

I am ecstatic that this album was as good as it was. The good ole' boys must've known they were tapping into the veins of yesterdecade, because they thought it was a good idea to throw out a double album. Well, they probably could've shaved it to one and had themselves a collection of perfection. Nonetheless, the first disc alone is enough to merit this spot, just shy of my Top 10.

10. Jessica Rabbit \\ Sleigh Bells

I was worried about these two. I thought maybe they'd burned through their shtick with 2013 album Bitter Rivals. But 2016 found them roaring back to life and doing what they do best... and then some. Alexis Krauss has never sounded better as she wails over Derek Miller's reliably vicious riffs. They actually sound a little angry, which suits them (and me). There's an element of fighting to stay alive, almost as though they sensed their number might be up. It's a welcome urgency that I related to quite a bit this year.  

9. Tired of Tomorrow \\ Nothing

These guys made the album Yuck should have made this year: a near flawless execution of 90's soaked shoegaze euphoria with a bit of heat. Tired of Tomorrow is draped in the exact kind of exhausted sadness you'd expect from such a melancholy title. Even when it's rockin' (and, boy, does it rock), frontman Domenic Palermo never brings his voice beyond a defeated sigh with lines like "I'm living in a dream world \\ Life's a nightmare \\ and I don't ever want to wake." It's remarkably consistent yet refreshingly varied for the genre - lush ballads join crushing face-melters and combine for a beautifully dark but energetic experience.

8. Heads Up \\ Warpaint

Warpaint has one of my favorite rhythm sections in music these days. Jenny Lee Lindberg's bass kills me. She also happens to be the sister of actress Shannon Sossamon and wife of one of my favorite video artists, Chris Cunningham (of Aphex Twin and Bjork fame), but it's her bass that does it. However, it took me awhile to warm up to this record. On a personal level, Heads Up exists somewhere in that in-between stage of grief. After the initial shock, but before the trauma of it all truly hits you. It feels emotionally numb, almost like audio avoidance behavior - covered by impeccable groove and thick atmosphere. But it is there, just under the surface. It's a hidden pain that somehow feels like both sides of a sad story. Even on "New Song," sonically and thematically the most upbeat track, there's a sense of longing. Almost like slowly dancing the night away with your friends is all you can manage for the time being.

7. Ouroboros \\ Ray LaMontagne

In a year that seemed dominated by a craving for the sad and the sap, Ouroboros remained one of the bright stars in a dark year. One of the few albums that truly lifted my spirits and calmed my soul. It helps that Ray possesses one of my all-time favorite voices. How can I not perk up a bit by the sound of that soulful croon? With the help of My Morning Jacket mastermind Jim James, Ray concocts quite the Led Zeppelin tribute on this record. Plenty of psychedelia, and plenty of bluesy riffage, but a good helping of quiet intimacy to go with it. I've always been a fan of LaMontagne's, but that fandom was usually anchored in his voice more than the songwriting. Having said that, Ouroboros may be his finest collection of songs. It's the first album of his to truly deliver from start to finish with such astounding results.

6. 22, A Million \\ Bon Iver

22, A Million is like an old teddy bear that has been worn with age and use - rough on the surface, but there's something charming and warm underneath the grime. And it's this juxtaposition that gives it its distinctive personality. The record is also somehow very brave yet completely expected. Justin Vernon isn't doing anything particularly new here - all the audio tricks are things artists like Radiohead, James Blake, Bjork and Vernon himself  have dabbled in for years. But fused with his backwood sensibilities, it's a beautifully welcome sensory experience and one of the most sonically pleasing albums all year. He's managed to marry the intimacy of his first album with the grandiosity of his second. And sure, Vernon still seems like his picture would sit prominently next to the dictionary definition of "pretentious." But he also comes across as being ridiculously sincere. And it's because of that sincerity that I can draw very real emotion out of his cryptically nonsensical lyrics and love the hell out of every damn saxophone on this album. Of which there are many. And so, I am a fan once again.

5. A Mineral Love \\ Bibio

Well, Bibio has consistently managed to reach my top ten with every official album he's released since 2009's remarkable Ambivalence Avenue. I think it's safe to say Stephen Wilkinson is one of my favorites at this point. This was a particularly light and airy release, and like Ouroboros, one of the few albums to truly lighten my spirits this year. There are occasional hints of melancholy within his poetic imagery, but overall there's a joyful and welcome old-school bounce to his audio collage, as if the sad memories are in the past.

The most noticeable deviation this time around, is the absence of any glitch heavy electronic tracks. Instead we get organic old school numbers like the funky "Town and Country." It used to be that the skittering electronica pieces were the highlights of his albums, but A Mineral Love picks up where 2014's dreamy Silver Wilkinson left off and further opens up for a more organic sound and lyrical approach. "The way your Polaroid appears \\ She wrote a song about it yesterday," he softly sings on the oh-so-lovely "Raxeira." It's these moments that keep Bibio in my top ten, right where he belongs.

4. Atomic \\ Mogwai

The record was originally conceived as a score to the BBC documentary called Atomic: Living in Dread and Promise, which they reworked to release as an album, and recently I watched Mogwai perform it live, in-sync with the film itself. I purposely waited to have that experience before I put my thoughts of this album to words. The film was moving - terrifying and amazing at the same time. And accentuating the terror and amazement were Mogwai. It was one of the more unique concert experiences I've had, and confirmation that this is one of the band's best moments, "soundtrack" or no. For my money, it is the best Mogwai work since 2003's classic Happy Songs for Happy People

Appropriately, the album scales both macro and micro with moments like the monstrous "Bitterness Centrifuge" and the delicate "Are You A Dancer?" Not only is my perception of it's intended emotion significantly augmented since seeing it live, but this was a record that perfectly matched the destructive chaos of emotion I experienced in 2016. Being an instrumental album, I was able to mold it to my moods (which also happened to scale the extremes of macro and micro), and that's something I needed. Sometimes words just won't do, and it takes a certain kind of Scottish post-rock to soundtrack the inner splitting of atoms, whether literally or metaphorically.

3. The Colour In Anything \\ James Blake

James Blake typically works in a collage of sound and thought. Pieces of emotion chopped up and sampled, punctuating rather than explaining. Across 17 tracks and 76 minutes of futuristic rhythm and blues, The Colour In Anything manages to touch on nearly every emotion of the devastation of true heartbreak. Certainly, my heartbreak. But not just mine. There are two sides to every sad story, and as I let this album sink in, I felt the emotions of both. This isn't a "woe is me" cry, it's a "woe is us." "But giving up is hard to do," he sings. I found so many of the spliced declarations of this record drawing eerily close to my situation, at times more so than any record this year.

Most recently, a moment in standout track "Modern Soul" hit me particularly hard as I heard its meaning encapsulate the record as a whole. He opens the track with the line "I know crossroads when I see them," and repeats the refrain "I want it to be over, I want it to be over" throughout. It's a cry for respite - for relief from the pain of waking up and no longer seeing "the colour in anything," and the pain of losing your place ("Where is my beautiful life? \\  I don't live here anymore"). From the pain of uncertainty ("I hope I'm right when I'm speaking my mind"), and the pain of realizing that the person you used to share the world with is "sadly no longer her." Blake ends the album with a defeated sigh: "All those songs that came before \\ They were once awaiting \\ Music can't be everything." And so ends a truly magnificent collection of musical devastation. I needed this album.

2. Gore \\ Deftones

"There's a new strange \\ godless demon awake inside me..." begins the eighth studio album by tenacious veterans Deftones. It's a simple phrase that announces the theme of what's to follow in their dream-metal opus. Gore is the other side of heartbreak: terror, exhaustion, rage, escape, rebirth. But beyond that, it's the sound of unleashing a primal will to survive in the face of certain destruction. Basically, it's the sound of turning Super Saiyan. It was this explosive euphoria that set it apart from virtually every other album I listened to this year. There is a sadness to it, for sure, expressed with an evocative gothic flair that comes natural to Chino Moreno. But it doesn't let itself stay there. It refuses to be held down.

I was surprised that this album ended up being the "positive" one. More than any other Deftones record to date, it finds beauty in the chaos, a trait mirrored in it's stunning cover art. Chino's lyrics represented my experiences as closely as anything this year, but in a way that inspired a burning perseverance I didn't get from any other artist. Survival is sometimes violent and messy, but Gore revels in the explosive rebirth, like a phoenix from the ashes. Or maybe a flamingo.

1. A Moon Shaped Pool \\ Radiohead

Yes, I have a bear sticker on my car. But for the record, this is the first time a Radiohead album has topped my end of year list since 2003's Hail to the Thief. So chew on that a bit before you roll your eyes at this seeming inevitability.

Grammatically, the album title seems to refer to a pool shaped by the moon, not a pool shaped like the moon. When I first listened to A Moon Shaped Pool, it was raining. I was in a car and the windshield looked like the cover. It was Mother's Day, and I was still married. I had no idea just how important this album would be to me, but - like a moon shaping a pool - I could feel its gravity. I knew it was constructed amidst loss; producer and "sixth member" Nigel Godrich had lost his father, and Thom Yorke had dissolved his nearly 25 year relationship with the mother of his children. Those heavy emotions, combined with the band's special brand of prophetic paranoia, are all present. But it was saturated with another emotion - exhaustion. For the first time, Radiohead sound almost...old. And that's not a slight, it's just an observation. There's not a whole lot of experimenting going on as they've essentially taken the last three tracks of The King Of Limbs and built an album off them. It's simply the best band in the world being the best band in the world. The truth is, they are getting old. They've spent a lot of years being paranoid androids (besides U2 they have the longest-tenured original lineup in popular music), and this album has the faint feeling of throwing in the towel to the world in a sad-but-powerful way. I couldn't help but think that if this ended up being the band's swan song (knock on wood), it would somehow feel appropriate.

As the horror of this year rolled on, I found myself astounded at the fact that my favorite band had seemingly made an album just for me. As Thom bared his heart, it was as though he was baring mine as well. I was also exhausted and heartbroken. I was also throwing in the towel. The world around me was going to shit, and Radiohead had soundtracked it. "You really messed things up," "and it's too late, the damage is done." "This is a low-flying panic attack" "and there's nowhere to hide." Gore may have been the sound of rising from the ashes, but A Moon Shaped Pool was the sound of seeing the end, closing my eyes, and just letting it happen. "As my world comes crashing down, I'll be dancing. Deaf, dumb, and blind." The ying and yang of these two albums was crucial to me. In fact, there were times I thought maybe Gore's positivity deserved the top spot. But, though I am in the process of rising, the damage was done. And when I remember the worst year of my life, I will forever connect it to this album, for better and worse. I can admit it's not my favorite album of theirs. But it may be the most important one they've ever given me.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Favorite Songs of 2016

The best songs of the worst year.

The running joke is that 2016 was kind of a dick to everyone (except the Chicago Cubs). Culturally, there were quite a few things to scowl at: A plethora of iconic deaths, wars and rumors of wars, election nonsense, a refugee crisis, dogs and cats living together...mass hysteria. Some superficial, some not so superficial. It was a rough 12 months for the general public, and it doesn't look to really be getting better.

But the sad and selfish truth is, I had a pretty rough year despite all those things. Some of these hardships I've talked about in public and social media, but I've mostly stayed pretty brief. I lost a job, lost a grandparent, and lost my marriage, which in turn led to the very dissolution of life as I've known it. It's a torture that still plagues me every waking day, and probably will for a long time. On top of that, I've also watched helplessly as some closest to me went through tragedies of their own. Needless to say, my life has been torn apart, and I've spent the better part of the last 6 months picking up the pieces as best I can. Little by little.


All along the way, there were the tunes. The respite found in the comfort of a glorious piece of music never ceases to amaze me. I found catharsis in the mutual heartache of some of my favorite artists of all time this year. Whether it was during the long commutes home from my new job, or buried between my headphones late at night, I shed more tears than I ever have before, with many of the following songs scoring the sorrow.

As a disclaimer, I can't promise this collection of audio nuggets won't depress the hell out of you. Then again, if you're looking for that then by all means, indulge! And if not, don't worry, they aren't all sad sap (just most of them). Rest assured, when the occasional lighthearted number did find its way into lifting my spirits this year, you can bet your ass it deserved recognition on this list.

Anyway. Sorry for the intro. These are the songs that scored one of the most life-altering years of my existence, and the hardest span of time in my life. It felt like they deserved a bit of introducing.

And this year I decided to draw tributes to my Top 5. So those get the juicy presentation below.

Each song links to a video of it when available. Dig in.
Here's the rest if you want: 

25-6   (regular nerd extras)
50-26  (ultra nerd deep cuts)

5\\(L)MIRL\\by Deftones

When Chino starts with "I don't miss you, I don't care where you are now," I get the feeling he doesn't really believe that. He wants it to be true, but he knows it isn't. At least that's what my own experience has taught me. Regardless, the important part is rebirth. He understands there needs to be painful death before glorious resurrection. The song shifts moods from dark and bass driven to skybound and hopeful after declaring "When I reawake, I'll reawake in the waves." Then the chorus dives head first into the waves triumphantly. Already one of the most powerful and melodic tracks in their impressive discography.

4\\I Need a Forest Fire\\by James Blake 
(ft. Justin Vernon)

I didn't think much of this song the first time I heard it. In fact, I almost forgot it existed until I revisited the album months later, with a new perspective. Suddenly the line "I need a forest fire" exploded in my psyche. Burning away the dead and regrowing something better and more fertile from the ashes. And this song takes place in the depths of that realization. It's not exactly a positive discernment, but surely a necessary one. It's not "I think I could use a forest fire..." or "May I have a forest fire?" It's "I NEED A FOREST FIRE." Once again, death is needed for rebirth. Pain is needed for growth. I always thought these two had similar voices, and somehow I never imagined I'd hear them fusing to perfection like this. But I wouldn't mind if they started their own band and kicked my heart in the ass like this now and then.

3\\I Will Love Again\\by Bat For Lashes

The first time I listened to this song in its entirety, I just sat in my car and cried. About everything. It's amazing how perfectly a piece of art can attach to you when you need it most. And usually it just requires being in a certain place to truly catch it. Natasha Khan always has had a flair for the melodramatic, especially on The Bride. But it was this simple, silent whisper of affirmation that stood out miles above the rest of the album and shed some light on the darkest hours of this dark year.

2\\Decks Dark\\by Radiohead

Not to wax blasphemous or anything, but I accidentally made Thom look like Jesus, and somehow that seems very appropriate this year. I ain't even mad. Other songs on this album may have connected to my heartache a little more personally this year, but it was this one's quiet doom and gloom that was the perfect all-encompassing umbrella for the general shit show that was 2016. Thom likens the darkness to a spacecraft blocking out the sky. And there is no escape. "You run to the back and you cover your ears \\ but it's the loudest sound you've ever heard." The truly sad part of this is that he seems completely ambivalent to oblivion. "This dread still covers us \\ You gotta be kidding me \\ the grass grows over me." That's it. It's over. There's no more fight left. This, of course, is all over the top of one of the most gorgeously understated grooves the band has ever produced. Collin Greenwood's bassline rolls right along, just takin' a walk through the dark. It all comes to an end with some wonderfully bluesy piano and Thom whispering "So dark... so dark" into the shadows. "We are helpess to resist \\ in your darkest hour." Couldn't have said it better myself, Thomas.

1\\The Colour In Anything\\by James Blake

Back in 2011, James Blake released my favorite song of that year with "Lindisfarne I/II," barely edging out Radiohead's "Give Up the Ghost." I mentioned that the song (from his debut album) had me eagerly awaiting this young talent's inevitably wonderful career. Little did I know that five years later, Mr. Blake would once again edge out my favorite band of all time to produce a song that could not have channeled my broken soul better had I written it myself. I also didn't expect it would be in the form of a simple piano ballad. Blake is a minimalist master, and as a primarily electronic artist that empty space pulls you in that much more with a song this organic. 

This is a man laying his bleeding heart on the table and lamenting the loss of someone he intended to have forever. But it has to go both ways. At some point you "listen to the sounds" and realize there's nothing more you can offer a person. "You must not be looking \\ you must not be trying like I'm trying." These were emotions that tore me in half. In my life, no pain has been greater than failing to find "the colour in anything" after trying so hard to paint a worthy story together. This song put those emotions to music. Sometimes I wonder if I can even come back to songs like this as the years go on - as the colour comes back. I suppose I'm looking forward to finding out one day. 

Favorite Songs of 2016: 25-6

Each song links to a video of it when available. Dig in.
Here's the rest if you want: 
Top 5

25\\Gasoline and Mirrors\\by Bibio (ft. Wax Stag)"In the sunlight you shimmer \\ like gasoline stains in the wells of rain"Hard to choose a favorite off of this album, but this wonderfully bubbly number builds to some worthy synth-phoria. (That's right, "synth-phoria." I think that's a good thing.)
24\\Gore\\by Deftones

"We lay in the gore of our vices \\ Oh, we writhe in them"

One of the heavier tracks on the album of the same name. The slow motion churn of that grand finale is one of 2016's more epic moments. Seeing it live was pleasantly cell shattering.

23\\FloriDada\\by Animal Collective

"Oh let's go get lost in the image \\ I made of the everywhere place 
I see the lads from Osaka \\ Died in FloriDada"

A welcome moment of euphoric insanity by some of the dudes that do it best. That's about it.

22\\The Changing Man (pt1) While It Still Beats (pt 2)\\by Ray LaMontagne

"So ends the game, so ends the chase \\ There's only one way to get out of this race"

Technically two tracks, but nobody has any business listening to one without the other. This one two punch is one of the most convincing Zeppelin imitations you'll hear. And that's a good thing. Such a good thing.

21\\29 #Strafford APTS\\by Bon Iver

"Threw the meaning out the door (Now could you be a friend) 
There ain't no meaning anymore (Come and kiss me here again)"

Easily one of the most beautiful things Justin Vernon has put to record. I love the vocal presentation here, digital manipulations juxtaposed with a pretty straight forward acoustic ballad. And of course, a gang of sax players dressing it all up. Can't quite tell if it's happy or sad, but it always seemed to fit no matter my mood.

20\\Doomed User\\by Deftones

"I've been scarred \\ Fucking repulsed by this \\ My only tale is one I can't stand
Now I've become torn and I rot and wilt \\ My heart is black and I will never feel"

My buddy Greg says the big difference in our musical tastes lies in the fact that he has hidden sadness and I have hidden anger. And while I wouldn't say "anger" was a prominent component of my trials this year, it's always just below the surface. It sure did help to have a scorcher like this to ignite my soul and channel it now and then.

19\\I Just Can't Stand You Anymore\\by Sleigh Bells

"Sometimes we come out all wrong \\ Cause I was blind half of the time
Paralyzed, the fault is mine"

Despite what it seems, this song wasn't necessarily a thematic anthem for me as much as I just think its a near perfect pop/rock beast. Alexis Krauss has never sounded better, and Derek Miller's guitars blaze to glory with perfection. They still got it, and that makes me happy.

18\\Are You a Dancer?\\by Mogwai
Another delicately constructed instrumental gem by the band. Found myself closing my eyes in somber meditation quite a bit to this one.

17\\Identikit\\by Radiohead

"When I see you messing me around \\ I don't want to know \\ I don't want to know"

A song I first heard years ago as a live bootleg (and subsequently in concert in 2012), the studio version immediately stood out as an early highlight. It's minimal groove and offbeat tempo is so choice. And Thom's manic wailing of "Broken hearts make it rain" hits home every time.

16\\Chronolorado\\by Mesita

"All the time we spent here doesn't really matter 
All that we went through here has been lost forever"

A beautifully heartbroken tune I related to all too well on occasion. It's that final repeat of the line "Keep on carrying on" that brings it out of hopelessness. For those times you find yourself hanging in there, even when you're not sure you have it in you anymore.

15\\Your Best American Girl\\by Mitski

"Your mother wouldn't approve of how my mother raised me \\ But I do, I finally do"

The best Smashing Pumpkins song to come out since Silversun Pickups "Lazy Eye" (just kidding, Billy, I loved Oceania). A simple but poignant song about trying to overcome different backgrounds and cultures to find love. It doesn't seem to workout in the tune, but half-Japanese singer/songwriter Mitski Miyawaki embraces her roots by eventually admitting she "finally" approves of how her "mother raised her." Your loss, white boy.

14\\Moth Into the Flame\\by Metallica

"Guarantee your name, you go and kill yourself  \\ The vultures feast around you still 
Overdose on shame and insecurity \\ If one won't do, that fistfull will"

This is the kind of song Metallica built their career on. And somehow it doesn't seem like a front for these mega-rich old dudes in one of the biggest bands of all time to light up the fame monster that plagues our American youth culture. These dudes have been around the block, and prove they still got it with this face-melter.

13\\Daydreaming\\by Radiohead

"This goes \\ Beyond me \\ Beyond you"

Is it about a failed relationship? Is it about climate change? Probably both. It's Thom Yorke, so your guess is as good as mine. But this dreary and tired lament hit me right where it needed to. When Thom's warped voice melts into Johnny's haunted strings, you can almost hear the sound of being too tired to fight anymore.

12\\In My Own Way\\by Ray LaMontagne

"All the plans \\ That were made \\ Let them die \\ Let them fade
I'll spend the day in my own way"

One of the few songs that could soothe my tortured soul this year. Doesn't mean I didn't break down listening to it. But it was a quiet reminder to take time for myself and let the troubles fade, however long it takes.

"Well I'll wrap you up \\ And I take it by the touch \\ Darlin', don't a failure fright"

I think I'm on an island with this being my favorite tune on Bon Iver's superb 22, a million. And I get it, definitely not the most digestible morsel on the album. It isn't the prettiest, in fact it may be the ugliest. But I think that's why I like it. The first time I heard it my eyebrows went up and I thought, "Woah..." And that doesn't happen a ton these days. In fact, until that moment, I had almost given up on Justin Vernon (he'd been gone awhile, and the luster of his last album had faded quite a bit for me). But this tune renewed my faith and excitement for the artist, and still puts a little death in my breast (By the way..."Beth/Rest"..."deathbreast".... get it?). Anyway, mad props.

10\\True Love Waits\\by Radiohead

"I'm not living \\ I'm just killing time \\ Your tiny hands \\ your crazy-kitten smile
Just don't leave \\ Don't leave"

This song has already been bringing me to tears for years as a live fan favorite, but its surprise studio resurrection as the melted piano closer of A Moon Shaped Pool was a heart-wrenching godsend, especially with the personal heartbreak Thom brought to the album. The stripped comparison to an already well-known fan favorite solidified the record's aura of exhausted sadness with a quiet sigh. Suddenly an old plea took new meaning, youthful fears became aged reality. I had the chance to see it live just as my own emotions began to unravel this year. I watched in silence, mesmerized and heartbroken, with tears in my eyes once again. Right then, I connected with my favorite musician of all time more than I ever have before.

9\\New Song\\by Warpaint

"You are the sun, you are the sun \\ That leads me babe, to where I belong
Where I come from \\ Because of you, I know where I belong"

Did I mention I had a rough year? Well, it wasn't entirely bad. Out of a lot of pain I was able to explore my place in life with the help of some very special people. In fact, one in particular has gone out of her way to "lead me back to where I belong." And just like that, this righteously groovy tune by Warpaint brought me to tears in some very unexpected ways. It's fun, it's inspiring, it's redemptive. It's a new song, baby.

8\\Vertigo Flowers\\by Nothing

"Watch out for those \\ Who dare to say \\ That everything \\ Will be okay"

A dark melancholy sits above the entirety of Nothing's Tired of Tomorrow, and there's no exception here. Euphoric, fuzzy guitars shoegaze their way through a lyric of discontent: it's a simple song that seems to be about not being satisfied with outside attempts to lift your spirits. Sometimes nothing anyone can say will help, despite the best of intentions. Sometimes the onslaught of flowers makes you dizzy. Sometimes you just want to be left alone with your sadness. And sometimes that's a good thing.

7\\Tongue Tied\\by Shura

"I love that we're different \\ You got something that I'm missing
You keep playing so cool \\ Wish I could be like you"

This is the third year in a row Shura has made my list, as she's been releasing singles for Nothing's Real for a few years now. In fact, that's the only reason two or three more songs of hers didn't appear, because they actually already did. This might be the best of the bunch, though. It's a straight forward pop song about two people overcoming insecurities to connect with each other. The chorus kicks it up a notch with shimmering synths and a plea to "Just say that you want me." It's more out of a fear to admit it herself, rather than a declaration of impatience. As if to say, "I think I like you but... YOU SAY IT FIRST!" By the numbers, pure pop bliss.

6\\Present Tense\\by Radiohead

"As my world \\ Comes crashing down \\ I'll be dancing 
Freaking out \\ Deaf, dumb, and blind"

Radiohead made songs just for me this year. When it hit me just how close to home this was, I was a bit overwhelmed. In fact, I was almost anxious to see it live when I finally did. To me, it's a song of avoidance. Of denial. The disbelief as everything is falling apart right before your eyes. "This dance is like a weapon of self defense against the present tense," Thom sings, recognizing his own inability to sit still and accept fate. "Keep it light, keep it moving, I'm doing no harm," he continues. But there's also the insistence that there's no going back - "I won't turn around when the penny drops, I won't stop now." He knows it has to be this way. This is the present he faces, even if he insists on facing it "deaf, dumb, and blind" just to survive. It's a song that hits me on a level too deep to truly divulge. It's still hard to listen to. But it's also incredible. And that's Radiohead for you.

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